My room smells like vodka and shame
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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