Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
