I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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