I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Pooping to opera.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
