If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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