I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize