My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
