i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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