My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
