.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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