god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
