I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
PANTIES FOUND
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
