i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
