Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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