I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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