So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
