You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
