Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
