the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
