the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wish I only lived at night.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I cut my penus on the lid.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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