things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Randomize