if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
