remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
