My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
