just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Even my vagina gasped.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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