so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
