i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
did you just send me my own nude
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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