hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
