conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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