Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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