At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
