At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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