I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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