As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
