Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
