all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
