i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
