So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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