Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
