Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Operation Purity has been aborted
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
