Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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