Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
