Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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