6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
