don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
