the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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