On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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