my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
