I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
