I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think my moral compass just broke
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
