That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
