shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I need water and some morals
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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