More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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