I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
