can u get pink eye on your cock?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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