fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize