Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
