i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My vagina just clenched in fear
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
