There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
