I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
