I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
