Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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