this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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