All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize