He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
