I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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