Someone shit on the floor
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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