I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
