My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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