she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
