Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
