if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
