i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
