Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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