Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
