hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
