i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
