If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
