I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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